Missing sidewalks and crossings...

Today I'm going to talk about something that may be the most frustrating to me about living in the US. I must say, my American friends normally take it very personally and even get offended. But it's the truth, and the truth needs to be vocalized...

When living in Boston, I absolutely loved that I could get nearly anywhere using public transportation - the T - as they call it. I loved having my Charlie weekly card with unlimited T passes on it, and being able to get off a few stops before my final destination - so I could enjoy a little walk if I had some time on my hands. I liked getting off on random T stations - the ones I've never been on - just to explore the area. And I was calmed by the feeling of knowing there is no way I can get totally lost - because there's always some T station somewhere nearby, and from there I know I'll find my way home. It was so great being able to run downstairs to the nearby convenience store (1 min away) if on a Sunday morning we realized we're out of cream for our coffee (some would even run out wearing their pj's, I wouldn't, but it's still kinda cool to know you can). Grocery store would be a little further - a 5 min walk. Post office, drugstore, the gym, Russian grocery store 'Berezka' with all of my favorite things - everything no further than 10 min away from home. Not only did it save us so much time to have all of those things so close, both Jamie and I just looooooved walking everywhere, especially on a nice day.

Now we live in a small town (well when I say 'small' I actually mean 'short', because the territory is actually not that small, it's just a "town"-type place, with no tall buildings or skyscrapers like in a large city). And I love it for the most part. First of all, because this is where my husband grew up. And I enjoy exploring his past, going to the places he went to when he was a little boy, eating in those diners where he went with his friends, getting to know his church family better. In fact, getting to know his past gives me an opportunity to get to know my husband better which is pretty amazing.

BUT. I don't drive. I mean, I do occasionally - if my driver's permit and Jamie are with me - but I don't have a driver's license. Not yet. And even if I did have it, I would barely use it, because we have one vehicle and Jamie takes it to work.

And I must say I'm not a fan of not being able to get anything done without a car. I have to be so thorough every time I get to go to the grocery store, making sure I don't forget anything at all. Because who knows when I'll have another chance to do some shopping. And it's fine when I'm just getting the things for home - I normally know what I need. But what if I have a sudden craving for an Almond Joy bar? Or what if I cut myself real bad and realize we're out of band aids? I find it ridiculous that in order for me to complete the most primitive daily tasks I need to ask someone to take me to the store. Honestly, it makes me feel like a vulnerable and helpless child in constant need of her parents' guidance, protection and care. And that's not a bad feeling. Just not for an adult who needs to be taking care of her own family now.

Oh, and I miss the long walks without a purpose... Here, in order to take a nice long walk (and I don't mean a walk around the neighborhood which in order for it to be a long one, you'll need to repeat 10 times) you actually need to drive somewhere first - to a local park for instance.

So as ridiculous as it sounds, without a car you can't even take a walk.

And what's up with the sidewalks or pedestrian crossings? Where are they? Are pedestrians not humans? And don't tell me people don't need them. I've seen some suicidal freaks trying to cross Route 13 in Salisbury. It's dangerous! But sometimes you need to cross the road. And unfortunately flying over is not an option yet. So why not do something for pedestrians? I'm sure a lot of accidents would be avoided.

Jamie and I were looking at apartments to rent. And one place was conveniently located just 1 mile away from his job. I was so excited! It meant Jamie could actually walk to work - good for health, good for our family budget, and I would get to have the car in case I needed to go anywhere during the day. So convenient! But when we saw what it was actually like we realized it is simply not doable. Between our potential new home and Jamie's office there were roads with busy traffic and a large field covered with brown grass. The field - although not in use - is most likely somebody's private property, it probably would be wrong to walk across it. Plus in a rainy/snowy weather you'd need some serious rubber boots to get through the dirt (and try not to get stuck in the mud). I was so disappointed when I saw this pitiful situation: 'But where are the sidewalks? It would be so convenient!' And then Jamie pointed to a teeny little sidewalk along the field - the only problem with it was that it started from nowhere and ended in about 40 feet... and even if you were on that sidewalk, there would be nowhere to go next because you wouldn't be able to cross the road safely. Sad.

I know, Americans will probably defend their lifestyle by saying 'You chose to live in a small town. Everyone knows a car is a necessity here. If you want to be able to walk everywhere, you should be living in a city'. Well, I agree. But since what I'm doing here is comparing Ukraine and the US, let me just say - it IS different in Ukraine. No matter, whether it's a large city or a little village, there is always some sort of public transportation - a tram, a bus, a shuttle bus. And even if it doesn't go past your house, you can always walk to the bus stop which can't be further than 5-10 min away. But if it IS that 'far' to walk, most likely there is going to be a little grocery store (like American convenience stores) - with most of the everyday necessities sold there. And of course there would be a kindergarten and a school, a church, a drugstore and a barber shop - walking distance from pretty much any house. And this is same for every large city and a village in Ukraine. Oh, and you'll find sidewalks and pedestrian crossings all over the country. Of course a lot of it has to do with the fact that not everyone can afford a car in Ukraine. That's why the government tries to make it convenient for the 'walking nation'.

But I honestly think that there wouldn't be anything wrong with having pedestrian conveniences in a country 'on the wheels'. Those who like driving everywhere would still be able to do it, while those preferring to walk would have that opportunity, too. Equal rights, people!

Anyways, I'm not complaining here. Simply comparing and analyzing. And this whole 'no walking, just driving' experience may actually broaden my horizons and motivate me to get my driver's license sooner and start reading maps better.

'Baby boom' support groups

Well, first of all let me apologize for not being consistent in my posts. A lot has changed since my last one, and life has been very hectic. But life also gave me a few more things to write about. So, here goes...

This year has been a very blessed one when it comes to babies, a real baby boom, honestly. I guess I'm just at that age when all of my married friends are ready for cute, chubby, delicious additions. Anyone who had a baby, or have been around a young family in the first couple of weeks after the baby arrives, knows: it's a huge challenge and a lot of work. A lot of stress and sleepless nights. And that part is the same for both US and Ukraine. And any country on the earth. What's different is how people respond to these circumstances.

In Ukraine all the work falls on the young parents (which is totally legitimate - 'your baby - you deal with it'). The only other people whose routine is most likely effected are the new grandparents. They may come to help with the baby, give a couple pieces of advise, let the new mom sleep for a couple of hours... It's a huge advantage to have a Grandma around (and thank God for them!!!), but not everyone has a luxury to live in the same city (or even on the same continent - as in my case). And then what do you do? Well, you deal with it: exhaust, sleepless nights, husband at work all day (or night - depends) and on top of that - cooking, cleaning, trying to deal with a crying baby which you have no idea how to do. And sometimes postpartum depression adds to the list - and that does not help at all...

To my surprise in the US I noticed young families don't really need to deal with all of those things on their own. At least if you're a part of a certain community - for example a church. Doesn't matter if it's a big city or a small town - your church family will not let you down and will do whatever it takes to make this transition easier for you.

First, you have the baby shower (and you'll have one even if you don't go to church, as long as you have at least a few friends). People 'shower' you with baby gifts and necessities. I still can't comprehend this phenomenon. It makes me think of God's grace - every time I go to one of these parties - although I've only been to two of them - both for the same Mom-to-be :)))

There are online registries for those who can't make it to the 'shower' but would like to contribute and get something special for the baby.

What's next... Even before the baby comes, there's already a list of families willing to cook dinners for the new parents. It's such a brilliant idea! Whoever came up with it is a genius. So, basically there is one volunteer who decides to organize the dinner schedule. He or she asks the new parents about their food preferences (allergies are important), makes up a list of days (e.g. every other day - otherwise young families end up with more food than they can eat) and looks for people in church or among friends willing to cook meals. Most of the time there are enough people willing to do that, so each family on the list ends up cooking just one meal - and thanks to this simple system the new parents are provided with ready-cooked fresh meals for two-three weeks. What a huge help, I can't even imagine what relief it must be for the new parents to have someone do that for them!

And of course there's the simple everyday help that comes with close friends. When my sister-in-law had her baby, unfortunately her parents were not around. Her sister was - and that was a huge help and blessing. But what was even more surprising to me is that many of her friends would come over in the first couple of weeks to help with cleaning, organizing, just holding the baby - so the new Mom could simply take a shower (which would last longer than 3 minutes), etc. That to me is simply amazing.

Part of it is having good friends who are willing to stick around and do whatever helps. But I do believe that it's also a cultural thing. Ukrainians are very generous, kind and willing to help and sacrifice. But when it comes to babies, people tend to be more private, keeping their babies (and challenges they are facing) to themselves, not reaching out for help.

I really think we - Ukrainians - should reevaluate a few things, open up a bit, speak out - and there will be hundreds of people willing to help, support, encourage and pray with and for us.